The Last Book Before Bedtime

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The Last Book Before Bedtime
Nicola O’Byrne
Nosy Crow
I’m a huge fan of books that play around with fairy tales and loved the author’s previous Open Very Carefully and Use Your Imagination so couldn’t wait to get my hands on a copy of this one. It more than lives up to expectation.
The stars are three porcine siblings – a soccer enthusiast, a bibliophile and er, a cake lover and of course, where there are three little pigs, there absolutely HAS to be a BIG BAD WOLF.
Right! Intros over, it’s time to get on with the bedtime story – the most important story of the whole day no less. There go the little pigs on their house-building sortie and as we all know, Number One Pig is going to construct with straw – or maybe not for, before that “… out of straw!” utterance has left his lips he’s interrupted by a certain young miss demanding inclusion in the storybook; moreover she’s already setting her sights on a movie and associated merchandise. And with such comments as “No one’s going to want to watch a film with you pork chops in it.” miss Cinderella is something of an insult hurler too.
Despite all this, and some reluctance on the pigs’ part, the narrator seems ready to include young Cinderella and cast the three of them into HER story. At least one little pig is happy to go with the flow though.

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Oh oh! Now who’s this demanding to be part of the plot? And she’s got a BBW in tow. Time for a quick cast reshuffle.

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Here we go again … “Once upon a time there was a little girl whose cloak had a beautiful red hood … beware of the BIG BAD WOLF!” (Thought it was too good to last; but we have got to page fifteen before he puts in an appearance and even then it seems he’s about to get the brush off.) “… Cinderella, you can be Little Red’s mother, pig number two, you’re the granny. And wolf, you’re not in this bit.” (There you are.) Seemingly even those who DO have parts are not satisfied …
So, off skips LRRH and whom should she meet …

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More dissent, followed by a narratorial ticking off of the cast and can you believe it – yet more dissent; those characters really do need taking to task before something truly terrible happens.
WHAT? I cannot believe my eyes …

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With the book in tiny pieces, is that the end before the whole thing’s even really begun? Or can that motley crew possibly co-construct a plot to please them all? Perhaps, but only if it’s got romance, humour, danger – no prizes for guessing who asks for that, excitement and one more vital ingredient – cake!
On with the show … let’s hope that no matter what, it has a suitably soporific outcome …
A riotous metafictional romp if ever there was one; and a real gift to those who, like this reviewer, enjoy throwing themselves heart and soul into reading aloud.
All my audiences of 5 to 8s have demanded immediate rereads.

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The cast of characters from one group

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Funky Fairy Tale Flights of Fancy

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Hector and the Big Bad Knight
Alex T. Smith
Scholastic Children’s Books pbk
It’s a case of little versus large in this wacky tale of derring-do and dastardly deeds in the peaceful, bunting-festooned haven of Spottybottom village. Peaceful that is, until Hector’s Granny’s magic wand is stolen by none other than the Big Bad Knight. (BBK hereafter) “You’ll never catch me,” laughs the boastful Knight as he gallops away on his trusty steed. Hector has a plan however, and is determined to prove him wrong, much to the amusement of the villagers. ”You?” they giggled, “But you’re tiny and small! And your spindly arms have NO muscles at all!
Having packed a hanky full of useful things (crisps, scissors and an umbrella) Hector, with friend Norman set out on their rescue attempt.

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Into the deep, dark forest they go whereupon, with a twirl of Granny’s wand, the BBK causes an enormous and very tall tangle of thorny weeds to spring up.
Time for Hector to put plan A into action: SNIP! SNIP! SNIP! Think again BBK.
So over the dingy moat he goes and with a twirl of Granny’s wand, the drawbridge is no more. Time for plan B Hector: boating across umbrella style.

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Up the castle tower flees the BBK – the terribly tall one hotly pursued by Hector and trusty hen, Norman. More boasting and wand waving from the BBK and his horse becomes a hungry dragon, but it’s not Hector that he has his eyes on – oh no! The BBK would make a much more satisfying meal. Quick Hector: plan C – the crisps but first, a quick grab of Granny’s wand.
Then comes a triumphant return for Hector and Norman and a less triumphant one for the BBK. But what to do with the latter, Granny wonders. Luckily Hector has yet another plan – one of the malodorous variety and thoroughly deserved by the roguish thief.

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Alex K Smith’s madcap medieval tale of magic, mayhem and more makes for a marvellous storytime read. His madcap (and occasionally menacing) illustrations, be they large or small, garishly coloured or silhouette, are magnificently mirth-making manifestations of the ridiculous.
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The Deep Dark Wood
Algy Craig Hall and Ali Pye
Orchard Books
What is that little girl thinking about going alone into the dangerous, deep, dark wood wherein all manner of nasties lurk? She certainly doesn’t know the identity of the friendly tagger-on she acquires on her way; she’s off to visit her best friend’s house for tea, she casually informs him. But then, neither does her large black companion know the identity of said best friend. On they go together, deeper into the deep dark wood till there’s a YIKES! from the little girl. She might be frightened but her companion is unperturbed. His bristling and grizzling quickly have that witch running scared. He dispenses with the smelly old troll in similar fashion with some added claws and gnaws.

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On go the sweet little girl and her “very brave” companion … The hungry giant is disposed of howlingly and growlingly and then they are at the friend’s house. Big bad wolf, mouth a-watering, cannot wait to meet her but is puzzled by her place of residence.
Time for the friend to show herself …

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Guess who’s running scared now.
With twists and turns aplenty, plus a wonderfully satisfying finale, this hilarious reworking of the old favourite is guaranteed to keep listeners on the edge of their bottoms even though they know what the large black hairy animal accompanying the little girl really wants.
It’s a real joy to read aloud and Ali Pye’s illustrations are just brilliant, adding even more to the already sublime mock scariness of the story.Don’t miss this one.
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The Princess and the Presents
Caryl Hart and Sarah Warburton
Nosy Crow
With her head of wild auburn curls and fiery temper, pampered princess Ruby puts me in mind of a modern day Violet Elizabeth Bott.
As her birthday draws near, the princess’s demands are issued loud and clear and if they are not fulfilled, she’ll ‘ “scream and scream and SCREAM!” ‘

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When the presents crammed within, cause the catastrophic collapse of the castle with her most precious possession (so she thinks) crushed inside, Princess Ruby comes to her senses. All is not lost however, for what do the hard-working fire fighters discover in the rubble after hours of digging? the object of their search, safe and sound.

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Then selfishness set aside, the princess and her pater set to work to reconstruct, first a birthday and then, a new residence – just for two.
Pink? Yes. Princessy? Assuredly, but this feisty miss does finally see the error of her ways and does indeed abandon her perfect pinkishness – almost!
An up-to-date cautionary tale with a powerful punch and peachy ending.
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Jack and the Jelly Bean Stalk
Rachael Mortimer and Liz Pichon
Hodder Children’s Books
This is the third twisted traditional tale from Mortimer and Pichon and another winning, albeit slightly silly, one it is too. (I have to admit to a particular penchant for such stories though).
Jack’s mum sends him off to sell their beloved cow Daisy, which he duly does – for twenty gold coins no less. Unfortunately however, Jack cannot resist the lure of the sweetshop he passes on his way home.

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There he parts with his precious coins for an enormous bag of jelly beans with every flavor imaginable and some unimaginable ones too. Needless to say, Jack’s mum is livid, hurls his spoils outside and despatches him to bed. During the night Jack is awoken by a gloriously mouthwatering smell and discovers in his garden in the moonlight, a gigantic jelly bean stalk. Oh joy!
Off up the beanstalk he goes forthwith, coming upon a golden gate at the top. In he goes tentatively, only to be apprehended by sobbing goose with a tale of woe.

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Soon both Jack and goose are fearing for their lives, as the ground shakes and they hear
Fee-fi-fo-foy,
I smell a juicy boy!
Goose is good but boy’s so tasty,
Served with chips and wrapped
in pastry!

The quick-thinking Jack makes a deal with the giant and is soon hard at work frantically picking jelly beans. The hastily harvested jelly bean feast meets with the giant’s approval but the hungry goose cannot resist partaking of said feast – oh no! All is not lost however; the beanstalk cannot support the jellybean stuffed giant’s weight.

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CRASH! Farewell giant, hello goose and a never ending supply of jelly beans; watch out for those smelly old socks tasting ones though.
Ridiculously funny, with its slightly tongue in cheek telling and bright, appropriately garishly coloured, pictures that are perfectly in keeping with the tenor of the tale and the nature of the beanstalk’s origins. Many of the illustrations are chock full of witty, laugh-making details both visual and verbal.
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Fairy Tale Fun

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Jack and the Baked Beanstalk
Colin Stimpson
Templar Publishing pbk
This is a reworking of the traditional tale given a depression-era setting and some amusing twists. There’s a back-story too, telling how Jack and his mother have become down on their luck due to the building of a new flyover that results in people by-passing their burger van. So, to encourage more custom, Jack’s mother sends him with their last pennies to buy milk and coffee beans. En route for the shop Jack encounters a man who offers him magic baked beans and knowing plenty about fairy tales as well as having a penchant for such beans, Jack
finds this offer irresistible. Decidedly unimpressed, Jack’s mum tosses the can of beans through the window and next morning Jack discovers, as one would expect, a magic baked beanstalk has grown.

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Then begins a life-changing adventure for Jack, for the lonely, money-obsessed giant he finds at the top, his chicken companion and ultimately, for Jack’s mum and the business that eventually becomes the thriving `Baked Beanstalk Café’ thanks, in no small way, to the new resident cook and the unfailing supply of baked beans and eggs.
Drawing on his experience in film, Stimpson’s powerfully dramatic pictures have been digitally worked and several are framed like film clips, adding to the filmic effect. Indeed I can see this book could well become a film. But for now, if like me you are a fan of re-workings of traditional stories, then get hold of a copy of this book.
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Red Riding Hood
James Marshall
Walker Books pbk
It’s good to see this new enlarged edition of a Marshall fairy tale first published about 25 years ago. James Marshall created several hilarious renditions of traditional tales and this is one of my favourites. Delivered in a direct, colloquial style, “Granny isn’t feeling up to snuff today… I’ve baked her favourite custard as a little surprise.” it is witty, and charming with a plethora of chubby moggies thrown in.
Red Riding Hood is so utterly beguiled by the charming-mannered wolf she meets on the way to Granny’s that she complies with his requests, allowing him to get there first, gobble up Granny and later, her as well. Then comes the brave hunter who, alarmed at the racket coming from Granny’s house, leaps through the window, cuts open the now slumbering, bulging bellied wolf and releases the contents of his stomach with Granny uttering, “It was so dark in
there I couldn’t read a word.
Every scene of Marshall’s story is wonderful. Take for instance the perfect escort carrying the basket for Red Riding Hood who balances precariously along the log, and Granny, stack of books beside her bed, admonishing the wolf for interrupting her reading, or even the wolf with tail resting on the book-stack.

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If fairytales are your thing, or trolls or witches perhaps, then you might like to try the interactive

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How to Find a Fairytale
Libby Hamilton and Tomislav Tomic
Templar Books
This one is packed with minibooks, maps, characters and objects to search for in the illustrations, flaps to open, a wheel to turn and a final ‘Happily Ever After’ stand out scene. There is a suitably old fashioned feel to the whole thing. Children will need to know some fairy tales already to get the most of out it so it’s not for the very young.
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